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erg...many, many muddy hands - breathing underwaterland

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September 8th, 2006


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08:43 am - erg...many, many muddy hands

muddy hands

whenever i get an image like this, that i crop:


muddy hands (2)

and then crop again,


muddy hands (3)


it's obvious that i don't have a perfect deal. well, I WANT A PERFECT DEAL. in fact, whenever i go out on a shoot, that is exactly what i'm looking for. i want something perfect -something that achieves its own sort of escape velocity. i am not a great lover of images that require neighbors for context. or of "small" pictures. of course, i have thousands of "small" gems: i have rubies and saphires and emeralds by the dozens. and i stash them in folders on my desktop. sometimes i just throw them out. why? because they're not diamonds.

a month ago when i got the acceptance from calyx, one of the images they chose was an image i have always loved, but don't consider "perfect". it's the image of the one-eyed woman holding the crow. they chose that image OVER one i think is perfect. it got me to thinking of this:

my perfect isn't your perfect.

small things are perfect in their own way; there is amazingness in non-perfection.


i tend to approach my entire life way i approach my artwork. i don't really allow for imperfection. i don't really allow for things like vacations. i want things done correctly right NOW...etc. in my race for the the perfect thing, i miss or squander piles of experiences that add depth and substance to life.

about the image i posted here, what i like about it is the light and the gesture. it doesn't look like a photo to me, but more like a painting. like a modern rendition of a caravaggio...at least in the treatment of the light relations.



I WILL BE 50 YEARS OLD TOMORROW.
:(
the magic moment when we become aware that there is more life lived than left.

(42 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:paperdollhearts
Date:September 9th, 2006 02:29 am (UTC)
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first of all, i like the crop. putting the subject out of center is always veryh comforting to be and also aethetically pleasing.
second, 50 years! you have embarked upon a most magnificent milestone. do you consider yourself to be in the age of the crone? i am fascinated by these life transitions. although, i must admit, staring 30 directly in it's three-decades-eyes kinda scares me. i've danced my way, spinning and singing the whole way, into the age of mother, waving a loving goodbye to my maiden years. so natually, i am now intrigued with the thougth of my life's next milestone/big change. i sit back and watch my mother, aunts, friends as they embrace and perfect it so damn well. in conclusion of my ramblings, happiest birthday wishes and love yourself today! let it be filled with decadence and beauty and all that is right in this crazy world!
aubrey
[User Picture]
From:kat_manson
Date:September 9th, 2006 03:21 am (UTC)
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hiya, aubrey! man-o-man, my 30's were the best time of my life! i got sober when i was 30. it was like being born all fresh!

hey, is that you in the icon? YOU LOOK SO CUUUTE!! yup, i know you're a mom. i don't know how people do that; i've never had that instinct. sometimes i wonder what it would be like to have an adult daughter, but the diapers=thing and the "terrible twos" -i don't think so. :) i leave that up to you!!

thanks so much for your comments, aubrey! i'm glad we met.
s
[User Picture]
From:paperdollhearts
Date:September 9th, 2006 06:00 pm (UTC)
(Link)
it is me in the icon, thanks!
yeah, diapers are no fun, it is all the other good stuff that outweighs that sort of thing.
and i am glad we met too :)

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